Thousand & One Nights: 167th Night: Barber Tells His Story

My sixth brother, cropped of his lips, the lipless, or unlipped was rich in the beginning, but later became poor, and used to take alms.

One day as he went out looking for something to eat, he came to a handsome house, with a wide entrance and wide gate, guarded by attendants and servants. He asked one of the guard, "Who is the master of the house?" 

The guard replied, "One of the Barkamis." He reached the door keepers and asked for alms, and they

said, "Enter, and our master will give you what you want."

He entered the premises, and then entered a long hallway, found himself in a lovely mansion, that was spread with carpets and hung with curtains, and in the middle of which stood a garden, the like of which he had never seen before.  He stood for a while, perplexed, not knowing where to go; then he proceeded towards the door of reception room, and when he entered, he saw at the upper end a handsome man with a fine beard.  He approached the man, who, when he saw my brother, welcomed him and inquired about his health and my brother told him that he was in need of charity.  When he heard my brother's words, he showed great sadness, and grabbing his clothes, rent them, and exclaimed, '"How can you be hungry while I live in this city? 

I cannot endure this."  And he promised my brother all the best.  Then he said, "You must eat with me."  My brother replied, "My lord, I cannot, for I am very hungry."

Then the man cried out, "Boy, bring the ewer and the basin so that we may wash our hands," and said to my brother, "Go.ahead and wash your hands."  But my brother saw neither ewer nor anything else, yet the man gestured as if he was washing his hands.  Then he cried out, "Bring the table," and motioned with his hand.  Again, my brother saw nothing, but the host said to him, "By my life, eat and don't be bashful," and gesturing with his hand, as if he was eating, kept saying to my brother, "By my life, have more, for I know how famished you are."  My brother too began to gesture as if he was eating something, while the host kept saying to him, "By my life, have some more.  Look how white and delicious this bread is!" Again my brother could see nothing, and saying to himself, "This man likes to have fun with people and play tricks on them."

He replied, "My lord, never in my life have I seen whiter, or better tasting bread."  The host said, "I paid five hundred dinars to the slave girl who baked it for me." Then he turned to the servant and said, "Boy, bring the meat porridge first, and don't spare butter."  Then he said to my brother, "My guest, by God, have you seen a better porridge?  By my life, eat and don't be bashful."  Then he cried out again, "Boy, bring the fatted goose stew in vinegar sauce," and said to my brother, "Eat, for I know that you are hungry, and in need of food."  My brother began to move his jaws, as if he was chewing, while the host kept calling for dish after dish and inviting my brother to eat, although nothing appeared.  He cried out, "Boy, bring us the marinated fat chickens." and said to my brother, "My guest, by my life, these chickens have been fattened on pistachio nuts; eat, for you have never tasted anything like them."

My brother replied, "My lord, they are indeed delicious."  Then the guest began to put his hand to my brother's mouth, as if to feed him, and continued to expasiate on dish after dish, while my brother who was starving craved for a bite of plain barley bread.  Then the host cried out, "Bring the fried meats," and asked my brother, "Have you ever tasted anything more delicious than the seasoning of these dishes?  Have some more, and don't be bashful."  My brother replied, "My lord, I have had enough food."  The host cried out, "Take dish this way, and bring the sweets," and said to my brother, "Eat of this almond conserve, for it is excellent; eat of these fritters.  By my life, let me give you this fritter, for it is dripping with syrup."  My brother said, "My lord, may I never lose you," and asked him about the abundance of musk in the fritters.  The host replied, "It is my custom to make them this way."  While my brother kept moving his jaws.  Then the host cried out, "We have had enough of this; bring us almond jelly," and said to my brother, "Eat and don't be bashful."  My brother replied, "I am full; I can eat no more."

Then the host asked, "My guest, if you are full, would you like to drink some wine and be merry?"  My brother said to himself, "Enough.  I will do something to him that will cure him of these antics."  Then the host cried out, "Bring me wine," and giving my brother a cup, said, "Drink it and let me know how you like it."  My brother replied, "It has a good aroma, but I am used to drinking a different wine."  The host cried out, "Give him another kind," and saying to my brother, "Health and pleasure to you," pretended to drink a toast.  My brother, pretending to be already drunk, replied, "My lord, I cannot drink anymore."  But as the host insisted, my brother still pretending to be drunk, raised the arm, until the white of his armpit appeared, and suddenly hit the host on the back of his neck with a slap so hard that the place resounded with it.  Then he gave him another slap, and the host exclaimed, "What is this, you vile man?"  My brother replied, "My lord, you have admitted your slave into your house, 

fed him, and given him wine to drink until he became drunk and unmannerly.  You should be the first to tolerate his foolishness and pardon his offence."  When the host heard my brother's reply, he laughed heartily, and said, "Fellow, I have been making fun of people for a long time, but never till now have I met one who has the wit and ability to humour me like you.  I do pardon you."

Morning overtook and Shahrazad lapsed into silence.