Thirty: Far From The Madding Crowd: Thomas Hardy - Hot Cheeks & Tearful Eyes.

Half an hour later Bathsheba entered her house.  The candle light exposed the recent flush and excitement  on her face. The farewell words of Troy, who had accompanied her to the very door, still lingered in her ears.  He had bidden her adieu for two days for a visit to Bath and spend there with his friends.  He had also kissed her a second time.  This was only at a meeting by chance and not pre-arranged and it happened after her meeting with Oak.

She sank down into a chair, wild and perturbed by the fevering sequences.

Then she jumped up impulsively, and fetched a desk from a side table.

In three minutes, without a pause or modification, she had written a letter to Boldwood, saying mildly but firmly that she had well considered his proposal, and decided not to accept it.  She went to the kitchen to find anyone to take it to Boldwood.  As she was moving along the passage, a dialogue was going on in the kitchen, and Bathsheba and Troy were the subject of it.

"If he marry her, she'll give up farming." 

" 'Twill be a gallant life, but be troublesome." 

"Well, I wish I had such a husband." 

Bathsheba's impulsive nature took hold of her, and she burst out, "Who are you speaking of?" 

There was a pause.before anybody replied.  At last Liddy spoke frankly, "What was passing was a bit of a word about yourself, miss." 

"I thought so!  Maryann and Liddy and Temperance --- Now I forbid you to suppose such things.  You know I don't care the least of Mr Troy -- Not I.  Everybody knows I much I hate him.  Yes," repeated she, "I hate him." 

"We know you do, miss," said Liddy, "and so do we all."

"I hate him too,".said Maryann.

"Maryann, you dishonest woman!  How can you speak that wicked story!" said Bathsheba excitedly.  You admired him from your heart only this morning.  Yes Maryann, you know it!"

"Yes, miss, but so did you.  He is a wild scamp now, and you are right to hate him." 

"He is not a wild scamp!  How dare you to my face. I have no right to hate him, nor you, nor anybody.  But I am a silly woman.  What is it to me what he is?  You know it is nothing.  I don't care for him; I don't mean to defend his good name, not I.  Mind this, if any of you say a word against him you will be dismissed instantly." 

She flung down the letter and surged back into the parlour, with a big heart and tearful eyes, Liddy following her.

"Oh, miss!" said mild Liddy, looking pitifully into Bathsheba's face.  "I am sorry we mistook you so!  I did think you cared for him; but I see you don't now."

"Shut the door, Liddy."

Liddy closed the door, and went on,  "people  always say such foolery, miss.  I'll make answer henceforth; of course a lady like Miss Everdene can't love him.  I'll say it out in plain black and white. "

Bathsheba burst out, "Oh, Liddy, are you such a simpleton! Can't you read riddles? Can't you see ! Are you a woman yourself?" 

Liddy's clear eyes rounded with wonder. 

"Yes, you must be a blind thing, Liddy! she said in reckless abandoment and grief.  "Oh, I love him to very distraction and misery and agony.  Don't be frightened.  Come closer and closer." She put her arms round Liddy's neck.  I must let it out to somebody; it is wearing me away.  Don't you yet know enough of me to see through that miserable denial of mine?  O God, what a lie, it was.  Heaven forgive me. And don't you know that a woman who loves at all thinks nothing of dishonesty when it is balanced against her love.  There, go out of the room; I want to be quite alone." 

Liddy went towards the door.

"Liddy , come here.  Solemnly swear to me that he's not a bad man, that it is all lies they say about him!" 

"But, miss, how can I say he is not if" -- 

"You graceless girl! How can you have the cruel heart to repeat what they say?  Unfeeling thing that you are...... But I'll see if you or anybody else in the village or town either, dare do such thing!" She started off pacing from fire-place to door and back again.

"No, miss.  I don't --- I know it is not true," said Liddy frightend with Bathsheba's unwonted vehemence.

"I suppose you only agree with me like that to please me.  But Liddy he cannot be bad, as is said.  Do you hear?"

"Yes, miss, yes."

"And you don't believe he is?"

"I don't know what to say, miss," said Liddy, begining to cry.  "If I say no, you don't believe me; and if I say yes you rage at me."

"Say you don't need it --- say you don't."

"I don't believe him so bad as they make out."

" He is not bad at all ..... My poor life and heart, how wesk I am!"  She moaned in a relaxed desulttory way heedless of Liddy's presence.  "Oh, how I wish I had never seen him!  Loving is misery for women.  For that I shall never forgive my Maker.  I am beginning to pay for the honour of my pretty face."  She turned suddenly to Liddy and said, "Mind this Lydia Smallbury, if you repeat anywhere a single word of what I have said, I will never trust you, love you, or have you with me a moment longer --- not a moment."

"I don't want to repeat anything," said Liddy with with the dignity of a woman, "but I don't wish to stay with you.  And if you please I will go at the end of the harvest, or this week, or today.....I don't see that I should stay and stormed at for nothing!" said Liddy.

"No, no, Liddy.  You must stay," said Bathsheba capriciously.  You are not a servant.  You are my companion.  Dear, I don't know what I am since this miserable ache of my heart.  What shall I come to.  I shall die young.  I am friendless enough." 

"I won't notice anything, nor I will leave you!" sobbed Liddy, impulsively putting up her lips to Bathsheba's and kissing her.

Then Bathsheba kissed Liddy and all was smooth again.

"I don't often cry, do I Liddy?  But you have made tears came into my eyes," she said, a smile shining through the moisture.  "Think.of him a good man, won't you, dear Liddy?"

"Indeed I will, miss." 

" He is a sort of steady man in a wild way, you know. Wild in a steady way.  I am afraid that's how I am.  And promise me to keep my secret -- do, Liddy! And do not let them know that I have been crying about him, poor thing !"

"Even my death can't wring it from me, miss, and I will always be your friend," said Liddy bringing some more tears into her own eyes. "And dear Miss," continued Liddy, "do.not harry me and storm at me, will you? Like a lion you frighten me."

" Never," said Bathsheba, laughing slightly. "I hope I am not a maid mannish ?" she continued, with some anxiety.

" Oh no, not manish," said Liddy, " I wish I had half of your failings! It's a great protection to a poor maid!"

        END OF THE CHAPTER