30. CHARLES DICKENS: DAVID COPPERFIELD: CHAPTER 30: A LOSS

I got down at Yarmouth in the evening and went to the inn.  I knew that Peggoty's spare room - my room- was likely to have occupation enough for a little while, if that great Visitor, before whose presence all the living must give place, were not already in the house, so I took myself to the inn, and dined there, and engaged my bed.

It was ten o'clock when I went out.  Many of the shops were shut, and the town was dull.   When I came to Omer and Joram's, I found the shutters up, but the shop door standing open.  As I could obtain a perspective of Mr Omer inside, smoking his pipe by the parlour door, I entered, and asked him how he was.  

'Why, bless my life and soul!' said Mr Omer, 'how do you find yourself?  Take a seat, smoke not disagreeable, I hope?

'By no means,' said I.  'I like it in somebody else's pipe.'

'What, not in your own, eh?' Mr Omer returned, laughing.  'All the better, sir.  Bad habit for a young man.  Take a seat. I smoke, myself, for asthma.' 

Mr Omer had made room for me, and placed a chair.  He sat down again very much out of breath, gasping at his pipe as if it contained a supply of that necessary, without which he must perish.

'I am sorry to have heard bad news of Barkis,' said I.

Mr Omer looked at me with a steady countenance, and shook his head.

'Do you know how he is tonight?' I asked. 

'The very question I should have put to you, sir,' returned Omer, 'but on account of delicacy.  It's one of the drawbacks of our line of business.  When a party is ill we can't ask how the party is.'

The difficulty had not occured to me, though I had had my apprehensions too, when I went in, of hearing the old tune.  On its being mentioned, I recognised it, however, and said as much.

'Yes, yes, you understand,' said Mr Omer  nodding his head.  We don't do it.  Bless you, it would be a shock that the generality of parties mightn't recover to say, "Omer and Joram's compliments, and how do you find yourself this morning?" - or this afternoon as it may be.'

Mr Omer and I nodded at each other, and Mr Omer recruited his wind with the aid of his pipe.

'It's one of the things that cut the trade off from attentions they could often wish to show,' said Mr Omer.  'Take myself, if I have known Barkis a year, to move as he went by, I have known him forty years.  But I can't go and say "how is he?"'

I felt it was rather hard on Omer, and I told him so.

'I am not more self-interested, I hope, than another man.' said Mr Omer.  'Look at me!  My wind may fail me at any moment, and it ain't likely that, to my own knowledge, I would be self interested under such circumstances.  I say it ain't likely, in a man who knows his wind will go, when it does go, as if a pair of bellows was cut open; and that man a grand father,' said Mr Omer.

I said, 'not at all.'

'It ain't that I complain of my own line of business,' said Mr Omer.  It ain't that.  Some good and some bad goes, no doubt, to all callings.  What I wish is, that parties are brought up stronger minded.'

Mr Omer, with a very complacent and amiable face, took several puffs in silence, and then said, resuming his first point: 

'Accordingly we are obliged, in ascertaining how Barkis goes on, to limit ourselves to Emily.  She knows what our real objects are, and she doesn't have any more alarms or suspicions about us, than if we were so many lambs.  Minnie and Joram have just stepped down to the house, in fact (she is there, after hours, helping her aunt a bit), to ask her how she is tonight; and if you were to please to wait till they come back they would give you full particulars.  Will you take something?  A glass of shrub and water, myself,' said Mr Omer, taking up his glass, 'because it is considered softening to the passages, by which this troublesome breath of mine to get into action.  But, lord bless you,' said Mr Omer, huskily, 'it ain't the passages that's out of order! "Give me breath enough," said I to my daughter Minnie, "and I will find passages, my dear."' 

He really had no breath to spare, it was very alarming to see him laugh.  When again he was in a condition to be talked to, I thanked him for the proffered refreshment, which I declined, as I had just had dinner; and observing that I would wait, since he was so good as to invite me, until his daughter and son- in-law came back I inquired how little Emily was?

'Well, sir,' said Mr Omer, removing his pipe, that he might rub his chin: 'I tell you truly, I shall be glad when her marriage has taken place.'

'Why so?' I inquired.

'Well, she is unsettled at present,' said Mr Omer.  'It is not that she is not pretty as ever, she is prettier - I do assure you, she is prettier.  It ain't that she doesn't work as well as ever, she does.  She was worth any six, and she is worth any six.  But somehow she wants heart, if you understand,' said Mr Omer, after rubbing his chin again, and smoking a little, 'what I mean in a general way by the expression, "a long pull and a strong pull, and a pull altogether, my hearties, hurrah!" I should say to you, that was - in general way - I miss in Emily.'

Mr Omer's face and manner went for so much, that I could consciously nod my head, as divining his meaning.  My quickness of apprehension seemed to please him, and he went on:  'Now I consider this is principally on account of her being in an unsettled state, you see.  We have talked it over a good deal, her uncle and myself, and her sweetheart and myself, after business, and I consider it is principally on account of her being unsettled.  You must always recollect of Emily,' said Mr Omer, shaking his head gently, 'that she is a most extraordinary affectionate little thing.  The proverb says, "you can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear." Well, I don't know about that.  I rather think you may if you begin early in life.  She has made a home out of that old boat, sir, that stone and marble couldn't beat.'

'I am sure, she has.' said I.

'To see the clinging of that pretty little thing to her uncle,' said Mr Omer; 'to see the way she holds on to him, tighter and tighter, and closer and closer, every day is to see a sight.  Now you know, there's a struggle going on when that's the case.  Why should it be made a longer one than is needful?' 

I listened attentively to the good old fellow, and acquiesced, with all my heart, in what he said.

'Therefore I mentioned to them,' said Mr Omer, in a comfortable easy - going tone, 'this I said, "Now, don't consider Emily nailed down in point of time, at all.  Make it your own time.  Her services more valuable than was supposed; her learning had been quicker than was supposed; Omer and Joram can run their pen through what remains; and she's free when you wish.  If she likes to make any little arrangements, afterwards, in the way of doing any little things for us at home, very well.  If she don't very well still.  We are no losers anyhow." For - don't you see.' said Mr Omer, touching me with his pipe, 'it ain't likely that a man so short of breath as myself, and a grandfather too, would go and strain points with a little bit of blue-eyed blossom, like her?' 

'Not at all, I am certain.' said I. 

'Not at all!  You are right! said Mr Omer, 'well sir, her cousin.  'You know it is a cousin she is going to be married to?

'Oh, yes,' I replied, I know him well.' 

'Ofcourse you do,' said Mr Omer.  'Well, sir! her cousin being, as it appears, in good work, and well to do, thanked me in a very sort of manner for this (conducting himself altogether, I must say, in a way that gives me high opinion of him) and went and took as comfortable a little house as you or I could wish to clap eyes on.  That little house is now furnished right through, as neat and complete as a doll's parlour; and but for Barkis's illness having taken this bad turn, poor fellow, they would have been man and wife - I dare say, by this time.  As it is there is a postponement.'

'And Emily, Mr Omer?' I inquired. 

'Why that, you know,' he returned, rubbing his double chin, 'can't naturally be expected.  The prospect of the change and separation, and all that, is, one may say, close to her and far away from her, both at once.  Barkis's death, needn't put it off much, but his lingering might.  Anyway it is an uncertain state of matters, you see.'

'I see,' said I.

'Consequently,' pursued Mr Omer, 'Emily is still a little down, and a little fluttered, perhaps, upon the whole, she's more so than she was.  Every day she seemed to get fonder and fonder of her uncle, and more loth to part from all of us.  A kind word from me used to bring tears from her eyes; and if you were to see her with my daughter Minnie's little girl, you would never forget it.  Bless my heart alive!' said Mr Omer, pondering, how she loves that child!'

Having so favourable an opportunity, it occured to me to ask Omer, before our conversation should be interrupted by the return of his daughter and her husband, whether he knew anything of Martha.

'Ah!' he rejoined shaking his head, and looking very much dejected.  'No good.  A sad story, sir, however you come to know it.  I never thought there was harm in the girl.  I wouldn't wish to mention it before my daughter Minnie - for she would take me up directly - but she never did.  None of us ever did. 

Mr Omer hearing his daughter's footsteps before I heard it, touched me with with his pipe, and shut up one eye, as a caution.  She and her husband came in immediately afterwards.

Their report was, that Mr Barkis was as bad as bad could be; that he was quite unconscious; and that Mr Chillip had mournfully sat in the kitchen and said he was going away just now, and that the College of Physicians, the College of surgeons, and the Hall could only poison him.

Hearing this and learning that Peggotty was there, I determined to go to the house at once.  I bade good night to Mr Omer and to Mr and Mrs Joram; and directed my steps tither with a solemn feeling, which made Barkis quite a new and different creature.

My low tap at the door was answered by Mr Peggotty.  He was not so much surprised to see me as I had expected.  Peggotty too, was not surprised to see me, when she came down; and I think in the expectation of that dread surprise, all other changes and surprises dwindle into nothing.

I shook hands with Mr Peggotty, and passed into the kitchen, while he softly closed the door.  Little Emily was sitting by the fire, with her hands before her face.  Ham was standing near her.

We spoke in whispers; listening, between whiles, for any sound in the room above.  I had not thought of it on the occasion of my last visit, but how strange was it to me, now, to miss Mr Barkis out of the kitchen!

'This is very kind of you Master Davy,' said Mr Peggotty.

'It is uncommon kind,' said Ham.

'Emily, my dear,' cried Peggotty, 'see here! Here's Master Davy come! What, cheer up, pretty! Not a word to Master Davy?'

There was a trembling upon her, that I can see now.  The coldness of her hand when I touched it, I can feel yet.  Its only sign of animation was to shrink from mine; and then she glided from the chair, and creeping to the other side of her uncle, bowed herself, silently and trembling still, upon his breast.

'It is such a loving art,' said Mr Peggotty, smoothing her rich hair with his great hard hand, 'that it can't bear the sorrow of this.  It is natural in young folk, Master Davy, when they are new to these here trials, and timid like my little bird.'

She clung  close to him, but neither lifted up her face, nor spoke a word. 

'It's getting late, my dear,' said Mr Peggotty, and here's Ham came to take you home.  There go along with the loving art! Eh? What Emily, my pretty?'

The sound of her voice had not reached me, but he bent his head as if he listened to her, and then said:

'Let you stay with your uncle, my pet? You don't mean to ask me that!  Stay with your uncle, my pet? When your husband that 'll be so soon, is here to take you home?  Now a person wouldn't think it to see this little thing along-side a rough- wheather chap like me,' said Mr Peggotty, looking round at us, with infinite pride; 'but the sea aint more salt in it than she has fondness in her for her uncle - a foolish little Emily!'

'Emily is in the right in that, Master Davy,' said Ham.  'Look here!  As Emily wishes of it, and as she is hurried, and frightened, besides I will leave her till morning.  Let me stay too!'

'No,no,' said Mr Peggotty, 'you don't.  A married man like you - or what's as good - to take and hull away a day's work.  That won't. You go home and turn in.'

Ham yielded to his persuasion, and took his hat to go.  Even when kissed her - and I never saw him approach her, but I felt that nature had given him the soul of a gentleman - she seemed to cling close to her uncle, even to the avoidance of her chosen husband.  I shut the door after him, that it might cause no disturbance of quiet that prevailed, and when I turned back, I found Mr Peggotty still looking to her.

'Now I am going to tell your aunt that Master Davy is here, and that will cheer her up a bit,' he said.  'Sit you down by the fire, the while, my dear, and warm those mortal cold hands.  You don't need to be so fearsome, and take on much.  What?  You will go along with me?  Well come along with me - come!  If her uncle was turned out of house and home, and forced to lay down in the dyke, Master Davy,' said Mr Peggotty, with no less pride than before, it's my belief that she would go with him, now!  But there'll be some one else, soon - someone else, soon, Emily!'

Afterwards, when I went upstairs, as I passed the door of my little chamber, which was dark, I had an indistinct impression of her being within it, cast down upon the floor.  But whether it was really she or whether it was a confusion of the shadows in the room, I don't know now.

I had leisure to think, before the kitchen fire, of pretty little Emily's dread of death - which added to that Mr Omer had told me, I took to be the cause of being so unlike herself - and I had leisure before Peggotty came down, even to think more leniently of the weakness of it as I sat counting the ticking of the clock and deepening my sense of solemn hush around me. Peggotty took me in her arms and blessed and thanked me over and over again for being such a comfort to her in her distress.  She then entreated me to come upstairs, sobbing that Mr Barkis had always liked me and admired me, that he had often talked of me in stupor; and that she believed, in case of his coming to himself again, he would brighten up at the sight of me, if he could brighten up at any earthly thing.

The probability of his ever doing so, appeared to me, when I saw him, to be very small.  He was lying with his head and shoulders out of bed, in an uncomfortable attitude, half resting on the box which had cost him so much pain and trouble.  I learnt that, when he was past creeping out of bed to open it, and past assuring himself of its safety by means of the divining rod I had seen him use, he had required it to have it placed on the chair at bed-side, where he had ever since embraced it, night and day, his arm lay on it now.  The time and the world were slipping from beneath him, but the box was there; and the last word he had uttered were 'old clothes!'

'Barkis my dear!' said Peggotty, almost cheerfully, bending over him, while her brother and I stood at the bed's foot.  Here is my dear boy- my dear boy, Master Davy, who brought us together, Barkis!  That you sent messages by, you know!  Won't you speak to Master Davy?'

He was as mute and as senseless as the box from which his form derived the only expression it had.

He's a going out with the tide,' said Mr Peggotty, behind his hand.

My eyes were dim and so were Mr Peggotty's; but I repeated in a whisper, 'with the tide.'

'People can't die, along the coast,' said Mr Peggotty, 'except when the tide is pretty nigh out.  They can't be born, unless it's pretty nigh in - not properly born, till flood.  He is going out with the tide.  It's ebb at half arter three, slack water half an hour.  If he live till it turns he'll hold his own till past the flood, and go out with next tide.'

We remained there, watching him, a long time- hours.  What mysterious influence my presence had upon him in in that state of his senses, I shall not pretend to say; but when he at last began to wander feebly, it is certain he was muttering about driving me to school.

'He is coming to himself,' said Peggotty 

Mr Peggotty touched me, and whispered with much awe and reverence, 'they are both a-going out fast.'

'Barkis, my dear!' said Peggotty.

'Look!  Here is Master Davy!'  For he now opened his eyes.

I was on the point of asking him if he knew me, when he tried to stretch out his arm, and said to me, distinctly, with a pleasant smile:

'Barkis is willing!'

And it being low water, he went out with the tide.

THE END OF CHAPTER 30

 

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